by Ben Moore

They say that the Irish people do not ‘hug’ to a large degree because our national psyche does not allow for the invasion of personal space, I disagree, there must be another reason. Who are THEY? Have they taken a Luas to work?

A Luas yesterday

Commuter Frenzy

Packed inside the jiggling carriages I have been forced to share the intimate details of stranger’s lives, their loud personal phone calls; I can tell what they have in their bags as the sharp corners of their laptops do irreparable damage to my kidneys; another rests her chin anywhere between my shoulder to my forearm to chat with their friend (whose breath holds evidence of what he was eating last night); all this and more as I hang on to the inside of the tram for dear life.

Dali

Years ago we used to joke about the Japanese in Tokyo having to employ people to push passengers on board their trains; now our Luas carriages are nearly at peak capacity when rush hour kicks in. Sometimes I have managed to get a prime position at the sliding doors allowing for some air each stop. Even then as the tram trundles into the station and our faces that are squashed up against the windows in a Daliesque-like nightmare, the doors slide open and EVEN more people try to get on.

Would Dali have approved?

The Crush

Lunatics who say in loud voices, “Can you move along there, people are trying to get on”. Bags straps break and shatter innocent feet below while arms, legs, and sockets are forced into unnatural contortions as people attempt to crush each other further to ‘make room’.

If I lose my grip on the pole that girl, whose chin has now found a home in the crook of my elbow, is going to find herself resting on her friend’s bag which is cosying up to my crotch. To avoid any potential harassment court appearances I close my eyes and focus on keeping my (and her) balance.

Only a contortionist would be comfortable on a packed Luas

Dublin

The Dart made allowances some years ago by extending the stations and adding carriages. This may not be as easy as Luas lines and stops have been slotted neatly into the map of Dublin’s city streets. I can only see one solution; the mixture of colds, coughs, sneezes sand sniffles that circulate in these confined spaces will one day produce a Superbug that will kill us all.

Rant over and out.